What Love Means To Me?
What love means to me?
Love, the word itself, though 4-lettered, encompasses answers and essence which even provided with a lifetime, does not suffice at all. One can travel to the ends of the earth in search for this fulness but before we experience the absolute completion of oneself, where are we suppose to relish the strength to keep us going?
Your family.
That is one answer I ultimately found throughout the whole this week. You know I am really one blessed girl, despite having no other siblings to share my emotions and fond memories with, God blessed me with a bigger family, my aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmothers. Having 13 aunts and uncles, 53 cousins on my maternal side, it is really a big family. The best time where we always reunite is during CNY which also happens to be Grandma’s birthday. She is the stronghold of this family because of her ever giving love towards her children and grandchildren.
As some of you may have heard, we just experienced the passing of Uncle David. It was all too sudden. Like why you know? But at least God gave him the gift of time, to finish the last few things he wanted to do before seeing our Lord. Felicia was in New york, she didn’t get to see him one last time, but they had their last conversation on the phone…
The wake started on Monday at the Church of Our Lady of Lourdes, with a nice Hall of Repose where Uncle’s body rested at. They say that you don’t measure a man’s success by his wealth, but by the people who remember him when he dies. I guess Uncle indeed was successful, perhaps even much more than that, many many people turned up. All throughout the course of 3 days, I’ve been there with my family and it was really a time of solid good reflection for me. Time spent there, was time spent only on two things. Constant prayer and reflection. I have never in my life attended that many masses and prayer services in a day as compared to these 3 days. Today, as it marked the last final day of the wake, as well as the day of the cremation, it was especially heart-wrenching for each and everyone of us. Dad was very close to Uncle, and we would always remember them both at every year’s Novena procession across the road’s coffeeshop drinking coffee while everyone would be praying, and as bad as it sounds, these were memories that would grow fonder. He would also constantly share with my Dad on parenting skills and how he really strives to be a good father. Yes, and so it started with rosary, prayer service, and then 12.30 noon mass in church, followed by Funeral mass at Church of the Risen Christ, Service once more at Mandai Crematorium. The moving of the coffin from Our Lady of Lourdes to Risen Christ was a tremendously painful one for many, flowers were slowly removed from the wreaths and offered to us the family, friends, colleagues and people who came, to place it into the coffin as a last sign of respect, for it was the final time before it was going to be sealed. As we wept, it’s not hard to think about how when one dies, do we understand deeper how much others love us so much more than we can ever know. The white roses, lilies, daffodils slowly covered his delicate hands as they screwed the cover to the coffin. Moving from the van as the Ave Maria played, was just…..
The funeral mass in Risen Christ was a quiet, peaceful one, just like how I know Uncle would loved it if he was to be present. Going to the crematorium was really ultimately just it. I still feel the loss now. You know having everyone gathered in the Viewing Hall, as they wheeled his coffin out into the furnace.. can you imagine how it was like… grief gushed out ceasingly. and when the shutters of the furnace closed as you saw the balance part of the coffin being wheeled it. It’s really so miserable, and painful, it keeps replaying over and over again, etched in my mind. The brown shutters closed, just like that. Hail mary was being prayed all throughout when these were happening, and Audris spoke in tongues, as she cried her goodbye to her Godpa, which was uncle. Thank god for sending his holy spirit to be with us.
After the cremating, it was just a moment of absolute grief.
I dont think I can go on further, so I’m gonna end it here.
I have learnt so much over the past 3 days, and when the time is much better I’ll share it with you. But I never could have been stronger without these people.
First of,
God, who spoke in the gentleness and stillness of my heart.
My family.
Friends, really really God-sent angels.
Tim, Freeman, Mark – For coming down to the wake and praying (:
Shaun – For also coming down to the wake, praying and buying me awfully Choc’s ice cream, haha it helped!
Lynette & Ru Hui- Haha, girls you practically saw me at my worst in school, the shittiest side of me, and you girls still held me as I cried.
Janet, Zena, Jacq, Grace – The pillars of my strength, who understands and ” Bao Rong ” me the most.
Kah Hui & Nat Poh – Who gave me the best hugs and notes.
Alex & Mars – For being ever so thoughtful and wonderful.
Nut – For allowing me to skip Dance for the wake
Nigel, Andre, JP, Johann, Gerard, – For keeping my family in their prayers
Sabrina, Joan, Clara – For being the most supportive and encouraging
Ms Tan – Who really embraced me Monday morning when I went off key, assured me, and was so concerned about me in school. & even in the evening , embraced me again. Hugging her is like hugging God.
And to those whom I haven’t mentioned, I didnt forget you but these are the few I can recall of hand at the moment.
Thank you so much really, in one way or another,
continue to keep us in your prayers, especially for Aunty Maria, Felicia and Eugene, that the Lord will continue to be their easing balm.
We remember how you loved us to your death;
and still we celebrate for you are with us here.
We believe that we will see you,
when you come, in your glory Lord.
We Remember, We Celebrate, We Believe.
